It was like a scene out of a sitcom, with my 16 year old saying in a straight-faced serious-like tone: “You need to deal with your anger problem.”
That funny type of thing when a kid pulls some stunts to piss the parent off then turns it around and acts like it is the parent’s (who then of course does get angry) fault… they of course did nothing to provoke.
Ha ha ha and even in the heat of the moment, I almost laughed, But the next day realized he’s probably right. I do have a few anger issues, sigh, and as the parent in real life, need to control my anger even when provoked… what adults are supposed to do.
I’ve come up with these solutions to help with my “Anger Problem.”
- Stop in the heat of the moment, breathe. Having an angry, ‘furious at the world’ (more specifically the awesome teen I”m in charge of’) expression on my face is permitted.
- Don’t insult, accuse… verbalize the action(s) that were inappropriate (or unnecessarily annoying!) so they can be processed and hopefully not repeated, while avoiding doing anything inappropriate myself i.e. yell.
- Visit the situation at another time, with a softening of a little humor added to the situation if possible, and attempt to get my non-perfect child to accept his actions and part played in the scenario.
Teaching a child personal responsibility in all things and actions is an important part of my role as parent.
Then have a beer (as I am now) or cup of coffee and give myself a little care and compassion for having a lot of roles to fill in this current ‘single Mom, one child’ household:
Mother – who tries to be loving and kind
Friend – who tries to be human with her child not an authoritative control freak (ick)
Father – meaning the role of disciplinarian as there is no one else to play it. We’ve also wrestled and kicked a soccer ball, batted many baseballs when my son was younger.
Bread Winner – providing as much comfort to our lives as possible, with a focus on basic daily needs (since we are low income).
That’s a lot, I deserve a little pat on the back every once in awhile!
The Blog: “Pat, pat.”
Me: “Why thank you Blog, that was very sweet.”
The Blog: “I was making pot pies.”
Me: “Lovely. Have a good night.”
The Blog: “I definitely will. They’ll be out of the oven in an hour.”